Do You Find It Hard To Say 'No'? It Could Make You Passive/Aggressive
Do You Find It Hard To Say 'No'? It Could Make You Passive/Aggressive
Many people find it hard to say 'NO' to the requests and demands of others for a variety of reasons, especially the following:
1. A desire for approval (especially from family and friends).
2. A need to impress others.
3. A fear of being excluded or rejected.
4. The need to follow others instead of leading, too.
5. The need to align with people they respect and admire; to share their values.
6. Lack of assertiveness and confidence.
They might want to say no, but, for whatever reason, they keep saying YES, then fume inwardly, or become resentful about it. Of course, the more they say YES, is the more they will keep getting what they don't like, which gradually makes them 'passive aggressive'. In effect, they’ll do the things quietly, feeling under duress, and suffer in silence. But on occasions when the frustration is unbearable, they might blow their top, as they feel victimised or put-upon.
However, such sporadic negative reactions won't get them anywhere except a poor reputation. It definitely won't change their situation because they will keep reinforcing bad requests and expectations when they feel better. Only being assertive will prevent such ambiguous responses. Confident people find it easier to say NO because they are not seeking to impress, and tend to be assertive in their own needs.
If we keep saying YES, when we really mean NO, we lead pressured lives in which we strive to please rather than to be ourselves. Eventually that takes its toll on our emotions, while robbing us of the time to actually do the things we really want, instead of the things we don't.
Can you say NO, easily and sincerely?
If you can’t, perhaps you need to practise the skill, as you cannot please everyone, and being clear in your actions will earn you more respect. People will then know where they stand with you. Furthermore, any stress you might be currently feeling could be caused by a general sense of dissatisfaction and unease because of this situation.
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