Do People Take Advantage of You Because You Cannot Say 'NO'?
Do People Take Advantage of You Because You Cannot Say 'NO'?
Not long ago someone complained to me that she felt she was being treated like a ‘doormat’, as she prefers to be kind and helpful, but some people were taking advantage of that and she did not know how to stop it. She didn’t want to stop being kind, she stressed, but she was beginning to feel resentful about it which ws causing her some stress.
I could sympathise with her because it is so easy to take others for granted, especially when they treat us well, or try to fulfil our wishes, without thinking of them or their feelings. Sadly, some people are takers, rather than givers, which is why others who can’t say ‘NO’ can never do enough for them.
Again, some people might want to say ‘NO’, but, for whatever reason, they keep saying ‘YES’, then fume or become resentful about it. Of course, the more they say ‘YES’, is the more they will keep getting what they don't like, unless they are prepared to be assertive.
To stop people taking advantage of us, we have to start with an honest review of why we do certain things in the first place. What do we actually get out of our actions relating to others? We are likely to act for any of the following reasons:
1. A desire for approval;
2. A need to impress;
3. A fear of being excluded or rejected;
4. The need to follow others instead of leading, too;
5. The need to align with people they respect and admire.
6. Lack of assertiveness and confidence.
Generally, confident people find it easiest to say ‘NO’ because they are not seeking to impress, and they tend to be assertive in their own needs. They often put their needs first so that they do not ignore themselves in their effort to help or please others.
If we keep saying ‘YES’, when we really mean ‘NO’, we tend to lead pressured lives in which we strive to please rather than be ourselves. Eventually that takes its toll on our emotions, while robbing us of the time to actually do the things we really want to do, instead of the things we don't. That is also why some people find it hard to keep their promises because they are trying to do too much for too many people
Does any of this apply to you? Can you say actually ‘NO’, easily and sincerely?
#sayingno #assertiveness #confidence #approval #impression
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