3 Key Reasons Why You Might Never be Happy
We talk about happiness regularly in our elusive search for it. We see happiness as something external we can reach for when we want it, or work towards it to have better days. Sometimes happiness seems to affect everyone else except us. However, if you are looking to the outside world or material things for happiness you are looking in the wrong place. Often we are denied happiness because we don't know how to begin the search for it. Many people are not even sure what happiness means for them, so they wouldn't know where to start in finding it! Happiness has given us humans a lot of trouble for three main reasons.
First, we don't know how to define happiness to suit ourselves.
Everyone defines happiness in a different way. Many people don't know what they want to make them happy so their choices change, literally, according to their moods. They believe happiness is something they work towards not realising, or accepting, that happiness starts inside of them first. It is not an ideal destination we spend our life heading towards. It is actually with us every day, even this minute, demonstrating itself in how we love and appreciate ourselves. Yet, how can we ever find happiness if we don't know what it means for us? How can we be truly happy if we are not clear about what makes us happy, or we expect others to fulfil that need?
Defining what would make you happy, whether your purpose in life, your desires or visions, is the very first step to being truly happy. It means when those things appear you will recognise them, instead of living in ignorance of who you are and what makes you tick, and feeling continually conflicted.
Second, we are always looking for happiness with someone else or with material things.
We often believe that getting a new dress, a new car, new apartment or new item will do the trick: to bring us that elusive happiness we seek. But any material thing only gives us moments of temporary joy. They do not give long term happiness. Material things help us to enjoy various aspects of life that money can buy, but they bring no real happiness when we live without self love, without esteem, without love for others or without care and compassion. We can have everything in the world at our fingertips, but if we lack self-love and contentment, especially when we feel badly within us, we will still remain unhappy.
Addressing the Real Issues
Many celebrities believe that fame and fortune will make them happy, hence that burning ambition to be famous. But often they reach their desired rainbow only to find that they left their pot of gold way behind them. Cue stars like Britney Spears and Robbie Williams, who were both in rehab, and Amy Winehouse who had a chronic drug problem. They might be very rich people but their money didn’t help much in their search for self-appreciation and love. That’s because happiness starts from within, when we are truly happy with who we are, we feel in control of our life, and seek no approval; when we can accept our failings and realise that nothing detracts from the magnificent and amazing beings we are.
Finally, happiness eludes us because we think we do not deserve it.
I met a guy once whom I really liked but we never got off the ground because he kept saying how he didn't deserve me, or such a wonderful relationship. He was dwelling on the fears in his head instead of giving thanks for us finding each other. Naturally, his fears became a self-fulfilling prophecy because his negative thoughts began to sabotage possible meetings. As he felt he didn't deserve me, he immediately put mental barriers to enjoying my company. Somehow, there was always a crisis whenever we set dates. He then felt terrible about it, which increased his feelings of inadequacy and reinforced his thoughts of being undeserving even more, in an unending vicious circle. Of course, as he dithered, he gradually lost his attraction in the process as I went right off him. We cannot have the opposite of what we are thinking. We have to think as we mean it to happen to get the results we desire.
Begin the process of defining happiness as it means to YOU. What would really make you happy for the next few years? NOT forever, because we evolve as people and our needs inevitably change with time, and not just for a moment either. Then look within you to see how you feel about yourself and how that happiness will sit with your general contentment and esteem.
Then believe you deserve it because we all deserve happiness. Some people are not just sent here to suffer and some to be happy. We all face the same possibilities. Our outcomes depend upon the choices we personally make which decide the direction we ultimately travel: whether towards finding that personal happiness, or making it even more elusive to us.
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